Relationship: Giftedness vs Values

Many of us think about ministry as the job we hold in church or the things we do for others. At its core, though, ministry is really about the relationships we build and strengthen, not about activity itself. Have you ever thought of ministry not as what you do for others or God, but about the relationships you have with others and God? Do you see the shift? The reason I start here is because this post is all about ministry…and by that I mean the relationships we initiate and care about. This is a post, really about the convergence of multiple events:

1.      We had our Church Birthday Party this last Sunday. We shared a meal in which you have to sit at a table of people with birthdays in the same season as you. In doing this, we split up from our usual groupings and share a meal with people we don’t usually sit with.

2.      Lydia and I went to a baby shower this Saturday in which she bonded with an 18 month old.

3.      A conversation I had with a person who is in a unique position to reach out to someone in ways no one else in the congregation can. 

From these three events, I would like to talk about how ministry is really the relationships we build.

I’m going to start with my kids. I have two young kids, who are not giant fans of being pushed to talk to adults they don’t know…which they have to do a lot as pastor’s kids. There are always adults trying to make small talk with them. It’s interesting that, being surrounded by people of different ages, both have a certain age that they naturally reach out to. My daughter is great with babies and toddlers. She has this way of not being too pushy to scare them off, and being flexible enough to play with them. My son is gifted with teenage girls. He knows how to work is charms to get their full attention, and he has the perfect balance of shyness to bring them in and yet keep their attention. 

I can’t help but wonder if all of us have a natural bend towards a group outside of our own demographic? This is a real question…I don’t have the answer. I do know lots of people who claim to be pulled to certain ends of the spectrum of age. 

What often interests me as a pastor is that sometimes we get locked into ONLY connecting with that age group. I have often heard people say, “I just don’t feel called to children’s ministry…that’s just not my thing.” But for me, there comes a point that whether you are good with that age or not, if you value the person, it doesn’t matter if you are gifted. If you value children and youth, whether you are called are not, you are going to communicate their value to them by giving your attention to them. Sometimes our values decide our actions before our gifts. 

I saw some of that happening on Sunday with my son. No one at our table do the kind of ministries that those gifted with his age group lean towards like Sunday School or Jr. Church or even Nursery care. But they all valued Zeke enough to include him in conversation and build a relationship with him across the table. And feed him way too much candy. 

So all that to say to ask these questions:

1.      Outside of your own age group, who are you gifted in building relationships with?

2.      Who do you value so much that it doesn’t matter their age?

3.      How do you reach out to that group?

I got a fortune cookie this week that said, “There is no one so rich that they don’t need help or so poor they cannot help.” I think that is true not just about our bank accounts, but for our relationships too.