6 Things That Suck When You're Poor

This is not something I enjoy talking about, but it’s something I can’t get out of my head. This week, I picked up a book by Mike Slaughter titled “Christmas is not your birthday.” I didn’t get very far before being so upset, I had to put it down. I sat through a board meeting of our church where our food pantry was mentioned. Around the table you could hear comments like, “I can’t imagine not having anything to eat,” to “they have money for polar pops, but not groceries.” The reason these things bother me is that I don’t fit neatly into the middle class, and hearing the middle class talk about money and the things it buys is hard.

The reason it is so hard, is because since 2007, our family has received federal and state aid (welfare) in some form. I was the first to receive that aid in the form of prenatal care. When my daughter was born, she went on Medicaid immediately. Then our family received WIC checks. Along with those aid programs, we have received aid from well-meaning richer people. While in the last few months, we have finally made it off government programs (Yeah!), we still are currently receiving aid in the form of an income-based scholarship for our youngest to go to preschool. And it has been hard.  Here are some things that have made it challenging.

Some reasons why being poor sucks:

1.      People automatically think being well-educated equals being well-off. In every job I have held as an adult, I have been surrounded by people who are paid more than me. Being in that circle, I have to be excited for vacations we can’t afford and answer questions from our kids of why don’t have the same things.

2.      When we mention that we are “those people” using the system, we have to constantly hear, “Well, not you. That’s different.” Well, actually, its people just like us. In fact, it’s people who haven’t had the opportunities we have all of our lives. It’s people who have come from worse family situations. I know, because many of them are my friends. And secretly, I often identify with them as equals more than those with equal degrees.

3.      We are everyone’s garbage can. Have furniture you don’t want? Have clothes that don’t fit? Pass them over here! Our entire house is made up of furniture that we didn’t choose. Our closets too. Want to know why my clothes don’t fit? Because they were given to me because I was “close enough” to the size of the giver. The rub is that we have to be grateful for other people’s used-up stuff. We have to learn to say thank you for food our kids won’t eat, clothes that are worn out, and broken furniture.

4.      I can’t shop where you shop, or as often as you shop. Last week, we took my daughter to Kohl’s and let her pick 2 things for the first time…from the clearance rack. You say you shop at Walmart? Don’t worry, we don’t shop there either. We shop at thrift stores. But we haven’t always been able to shop there either. One winter, I was expected to go on an international trip for seminary (talk about guilt-we have never taken the kids on a family vacation where we didn’t stay with relatives, and I HAD to go to Italy), and didn’t have the clothes. When I mentioned this to friends, one of them, well meaning, told me to just go to Goodwill. I took a deep breath before telling her, “You don’t understand. We don’t have that much money.” That’s right. I didn’t have $15 for 3-4 pairs of pants. Shopping was not a leisure activity for me. It was work. I could only afford one or two items at a time, and they had to be items that would work with everything already in my wardrobe.

5.      I can’t grab a pop or go out to eat without feeling guilty.  Even though I just spent last night finishing a major paper for my masters degree, my kid got on the honor roll, or it’s our anniversary, because I need help with my kid’s health insurance, or can’t afford $300 in basic groceries every month, I shouldn’t spend the 79 cents for a pop at the gas station or the $20 to take my kid to their favorite restaurant. Try explaining that logic to a 5 year old. Because someone helps us buy groceries, I can’t buy you ice cream for getting your first gold star in day care.

6.      Hearing the same people complain about being you being on welfare and that you are paid too much for the work you do. And hearing those same people say how, they can’t imagine not having a solid income. In the same meeting. Having the same people who set your income, give you a thanksgiving dinner because your kids qualify for reduced lunches at school. That is hard enough. But remember, they gave you a dinner, so they expect to be thanked profusely for their generosity.

I get it. It’s hard to care about the poor. We have had friends who complained about being poor, but wouldn’t get a job. We have had friends on government programs who spent money on things we didn’t agree with. But we have had lots of richer friends who spent money on things we don’t agree with. And in all fairness, we have spent money on things that you probably wouldn’t agree with. But we have also made sacrifices that you struggle to imagine. 

So my recommendation? If you are middle class, stop listening to people who make more than you describe poverty. Ask someone who receives aid, “What are some of the things that are hard because of your income level?” And not just so you can write them a check, but so you can give them what money can’t buy: respect and dignity.

Scary Ideas

Have you seen this new commercial from GE?

As I watched it, I couldn't help but wonder, 'what if that guy who took in the new idea was part of God's church? What if he took that idea into a church instead of a business?'

Unfortunatley, new ideas are not always loved when they enter a church. They usually are too scary for us. Too messy. So we treat them with contempt, just like the rest of the world. We stick with what used to work, even if it hasn't worked very successfully for the last 40-50 years. We remember the feathers it had in it's youth, and keep imagining it in all its beauty in its prime. Meanwhile the scary young ideas stay scary. I won't lie, some of my ideas have gotten the same stares that the one did in the video.

Too bad.

Too bad, because we never get to experience the formation of this ugly, scary idea into a beautiful new thing.

In the last 6 months I have been surprised by La Fontaine UMC because every messy idea I have brought forth, you have cared for. That's not a normal church thing. It is a brave thing. But when we are willing to try new things for the sake of God's kingdom, we find beautiful things happen. Scary ideas become exciting, beautiful ideas.

There are many more new scary ideas out there that we will run into through the next year. I pray that we will open the doors for those ideas. I hope we will think them through and take some risks. It would be a shame if corporations like GE care for all the new ideas. 

So as we begin a new year, let us resolve to welcome in new ideas, no matter how scary they look. 

Do You Want to Build A Snowman?

Elsa had an amazing power, a gift really. She had the power to create snow and ice right from her fingertips. But after an accident, her parents overreact, maybe just a little, and instruct her to hide her gift, to cover it up, and to isolate herself so that nobody knows. And poor Elsa does just that. She hides in her room, alone, and scared. Scared that her gift is not really a gift, but a curse. Scared that she won’t be able to control it and that by it she will hurt those she loves most. She decides that hiding her gift, and hiding herself is the best for everyone.

That’s when we hear Anna, who doesn’t know what is going on, asking her sister to build a snowman.

"Do you wanna build a snowman?
Come on lets go and play
I never see you anymore
Come out the door
It's like you've gone away-
We used to be best buddies
And now we're not
I wish you would tell me why!"

To which Elsa tells her to go away. But little Anna she comes back, day after day, with new invitations. But Elsa slips further and further into isolation, working hard to hide who she is, even though it becomes harder and harder with every passing year. Instead of learning to control her gift, Elsa’s gift controls her.

That is a lot like the problem that was happening with the early Christians in Corinth.The Holy Spirit had given them amazing gifts, but their gifts had begun to control them. Some people who were truly gifted were just looking at others, and thinking “Man, I wish I had that gift.” They were taking all their effort to hide the things they were given: like their ability to go out and share the gospel; their gift of telling the truth even when it was hard to hear; and their gift to teach others what it meant to be like Christ.  They began to chase after the things that were more flashy: Speaking in tongues, healing people just by touching them, and performing miracles.What were the most valuable gifts were being hidden. As they hid those gifts, people were getting hurt. Their hearts were being frozen and life in the church had become a competition. A power struggle.The whole life of the church was being destroyed... like what snow does in the summer.

Don’t we all know someone who has been told that their gift is a curse? Maybe it has even been towards us. I asked my friends on facebook if they had ever hidden a gift, and within minutes,  a friend told me this:

 

"A spiritual gift of mine that I always was embarrassed about and hate is my loudness. Yes, it is a spiritual gift....It's called "Holy Laughter" ...there are still a few people who are "haters", but for the most part, my laugh can be heard clear across a store, and I have had cashiers and random people tell me that they're having a bad day, and that my laughter came to them at just the right moment and brought them joy…

...and now I do public speaking about addiction and recovery ...I never get complaints that people "can’t hear" me. LOLOLOL.

I’m sure each of us in this room could think of something that makes us unique, some comments from haters, some time when we thought it would be better to hide that gift, and in hiding the gift we may have hid ourselves. We start thinking of our gift as a curse. We start thinking of others’ gifts as the only ones worth anything. We forget that we are wonderfully made to be a part of something bigger than each of us.

Paul did his best to turn things around, to remind the Corinthians not to hide their gifts. He reminded them to not to try to be like everyone else, not to envy others, not to isolate themselves and their gifts from everyone else. He asked them instead to use their gifts for the good of everyone.

Because what makes you you- your quirks, you idiosyncrasies, your abilities, your gifts- are not just a power for you. They are a gift to the whole body. And they work best when they are shared.

When Elsa finally figures this out...when she stops isolating herself and when she starts using her gifts with others in mind...we find summer...and life...comes back. We find everyone is enjoying her gift, rather than scared of it.

So the question for each of us is:

What is it that make you you, that you have been hiding?

Is it a gift you could give to the church...to God? Perhaps it is your experience through a hard time like a divorce, or losing a child, or being in debt. Maybe God wants to use that part of you that has been broken to help someone else. Perhaps it is something you can do. Maybe you make friends easily or can tell hard truths in a way people can hear them. Maybe you have a gift to see the world as God does, to have compassion for all people, or hope for the future, or joy in the midst of struggle. 

Whatever gift it is, God is knocking on your locked door, and he is inviting you...like little Anna inviting Elsa..to come out of your hiding. He is asking, "Do you want to build a snowman? Do you want use your gift for my kingdom?"

Snow Day

For the last few weeks, I have been trying to find a gem to write about. What should I write about?

• Our Christmas Eve Service with a music team made of members of both churches in town? Or how we almost didn’t have enough communion because of a surprisingly large crowd?
• Our Christmas morning traditions?
• Our family Christmas with my side of the family on Christmas Day?
• Our trip to see Nick’s family in Philadelphia and Washington, D.C.? Visiting the National Cathedral? The “Toast Party” on New Year’s Eve?
• My New Year’s resolutions?
• Our first Sunday of our Frozen Sermon Series?

So many things!

But I think instead of all that, I will talk about snow. It’s a snow day at our house, which makes it the first day since before Christmas without an agenda. No plans, car rides, or extended family visits. No getting ready for worship, appointments, or managing crises. This is why I love snow days. Don’t get me wrong, by the end of winter I will hate snow as much as everyone else. But for now, I am enjoying being stuck.

Each winter, God reminds me on these days, that life goes on even when I can’t. He reminds me to slow down and spend time with my kids. He reminds me that I don’t control everything. Those are the things I need reminded most after advent and Christmas, when I am busy trying not to forget anyone or anything. So, today, I am wishing you rest. From that rest, may you get a fresh perspective on life.  

May it bring you hope, peace, joy, and love.