I Hate "Stranger Danger"

We went to the store to pick up a few items today, and a kind man engaged me and my two children in a conversation. He showed us his new grandbaby in Palestine on his smart phone’s facebook app. My kids

clung to me like it was the end of the world. Afterwards, I asked them why they didn’t talk when the man asked them their names. My son told me, “I’m not supposed to talk to strangers.” It saddened me, that here they were in a safe public place with their mother present and they were afraid. This is why I hate “stranger danger.”

I hate “stranger danger.” I hate that it is promoted by adults as the best way of life, the only way of dealing with outsiders and that adults preach it to children as gospel truth. Here is why:

1.       It is not gospel truth. The truth in God’s law calls us to “love the stranger among you, as you were once a stranger.” The great sin of Sodom and Gomorrah was their inability to do just that. (no, it was not sexual).

2.       It teaches us from an early age to ignore people we don’t know rather than to show kindness to strangers.

3.       It teaches us to fear what (and those whom) we don’t know. The Bible calls us time and time again to abandon fear for hope, love, and peace. We will never know everything, and many of the most important decisions in life are made when we don’t know. That is the heart of faith. Do

4.       It promotes isolation. If we are unable to speak to strangers, we will find we never meet those who will be our new friends, those who will strengthen our support system.

5.       It doesn’t protect our children. What is even worse is those who are most dangerous to them are attracted to fear and avoidance. In karate, we are taught that the most important tools of self-defense are confidence and awareness of those around us. Looking someone in the eye and being direct usually is enough to avoid danger.

6.       I would venture to say that these early lessons have stolen our ability, even in adulthood, to build new relationships. Because of fear we avoid others. As Christians, we can’t share our witness with new people, because we are scared of new people. 

So we should promote something different. These are our family rules around strangers:

1.       When you are with a trusted adult, talk to strangers. There is no way that man would have chance to walk away with my babies without a fight. We were in a safe zone, and kids need to recognize that so they know when they truly are in danger.

2.       When you are lost, seek out a stranger to help you. Avoiding strangers when you get separated from everyone doesn’t help one bit. That is when you need their help the most. Most adults are safe, and they can help you.

3.       When you feel unsafe with any adult, whether they are a stranger or not, scream. Loud.  Talk to another adult, get help. Silence is not the answer. Noise is. 

So, if you see my kids talking to strangers, know that is promoted in our house. Don’t feel they need reminded to be fearful. And remember, you were once a stranger to them. What if they had never talked to you?