5 Things to Remember when the Church Disappoints You

In the last week, I have heard two heartbreaking stories of the church disappointing someone. And it was the church’s fault. They had felt abandoned in their need.

It isn’t only care issues that disappoint us about the church. We are disappointed in the church for all kinds of reasons. We are disappointed when the church puts itself before the least and lost. We are disappointed when people complain about petty things. We are disappointed by gossip and plain old meanness in the church.  The church can be a place full of disappointment.

These are some things I try to keep in mind when I am disappointed by the church.

1.      She is full of sinners, just like me. Jesus doesn’t wait for people to have it all together before he calls them to be disciples. He just tells us to follow. That means that when we follow him into the church, we end up surrounded with people still working towards perfection, still trying to be holy. Yeah, it would be great for the church to really look like heaven, but the thing is each of us has to look like heaven before that can happen. There are some sins that are still hard for me to resist and sometimes I can’t resist temptation, even after a lifetime in the church and decades of following Jesus. I want people to have grace with me, so I need to be willing to offer it to others. After all, unforgiveness is biblically unforgivable. 

2.      She makes mistakes. #1 was really about DNA, the church’s make-up. This one is really about her vision. I don’t mean “vision statement” vision. I mean, the church is not all knowing. She doesn’t always see the consequences of her actions. She doesn’t always see the people getting hurt by her decisions. She doesn’t always know what the future holds. The church trusts God, who can do all those things, but she can’t. 

3.      She isn’t trying to be malicious. Even though disappointment can feel like an attack, it often isn’t.  When my kids are playing with their lightsabers, and one of them gets hit in the thumb, even though one of them was hurt by the other, I don’t get heavy handed with punishments. Why? Because they didn’t mean to. They weren’t hitting each other filled with hate. Sometimes that happens in the church. Gossip could have started as a misinterpretation of the facts. Complaints could have come from a desire to make church better for everyone. In our hurt state, sometimes we forget to look at the original intention behind the action. 

4.      She is still the best system for Spiritual Growth.  You can read your Bible on your own, but your interpretation is strengthened by others’ interpretation. Your resolve is strengthen when you know you aren’t the only one struggling. When life is beating you up, it’s good to have a group of people in your corner, bandaging you up, telling you where to punch it back. You can believe in God without church, but it is really hard to follow Jesus without the church. 

5.      She isn’t going to get better by disappointed people leaving. Now this might just be how I was raised, but I was taught that if you don’t like something, you should do your best to change it. If you think the church is a mess, you should try your best to change it. And you can’t change it if you’re not on the inside.